As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I spent a lot of
time on the web. There is so much information out there about being pregnant,
the birth, the baby, raising the baby, staying close with your partner. You name
it, it’s out there. Except for some real
shit no one offered to tell me about BEFORE it happened to me. But when I
tell my friends what I’m experiencing, they’re all like, “Haha! Oh yeah. I
remember that now.” So that’s part of what this blog will be. My first meme: No One Tells You...
Today’s “sharing time” will be something I am
experiencing. Right at this very moment. I better warn you. This is not for the
squeamish. If you shiver at the thought of menstruation visualization, this may
not be for you.
That after having a baby you’ll have to find a new path in your vag for your tampon to hang out in during that week in which you bleed but do not
die.
I’ve had the baby. The stitches are healed. The 6 week appointment gave me a “you’re healing great” diagnosis. Yet…when I got up the courage—or
maybe it was just being fed up with those pads and the squish of you-know-what
on the insides of my ass cheeks when I sat down—to return to tampons, they didn’t
really work anymore. At least not like how I remembered they should.
When I stuffed a tampon in there, taking the path I have
for more than a decade, it hurt. So then I didn’t try pushing it any farther.
Then I’d get to walking around, or cleaning the house, or going to work, and
the thing would feel like it was playing peek-a-boo with my lady bits. You know,
that half-in/half-out nonsense.
I don’t know how many tampons I’ve wasted trying to find
that “sweet spot” again, that path where the tampon parks comfortably in but
also absorbs properly so you don’t have to double coat it with a panty liner.
I’ve come to the conclusion that my cervix just sits differently
now. And I’m pretty sure no matter how many Kegals I do, the thing will never
go back into its “baby virgin zone.”
Probably just another one of those things this kid will
never have a TRUE appreciation for with all I had to go through to get him
here.
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